i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Your dad touched me again.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
