Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
