god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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