i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
