So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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