I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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