i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
She made me pour olive oil on her.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
