1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
