i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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