This house was built for laser tag.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The feeling are messing with the penis
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
