dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
