do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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