These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
