so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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