We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
