dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
