i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I need moral support for this bender
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
