so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
