don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
