Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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