Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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