Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
