She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
