Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
