I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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