My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
