Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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