so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
this beer tastes like vomit already
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
