remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Redeem this text for a blowjob
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Randomize
