I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
