There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
