The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
