Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
