i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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