no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
The best revenge is premature balding
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I deserve this hangover.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
