can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
