In the future we'll all be gay
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
