but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
