Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
