So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
