I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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