so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
