She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
As shirtless as possible
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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