ADVERTISEMENT

• (201): View more from New Jersey

  Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...

  (1-201): View more from New Jersey

  ok, come over...I have doritos

  Fav 8 1341 2164

  share tweet
  

• (443): View more from Maryland

  I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart

  Fav 182 53564 2639

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (925): View more from California

  He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.

  Fav 14 4366 1211

  share tweet
  

• (636): View more from Missouri

  The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.

  Fav 15 3799 1239

  share tweet
  

• (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.

  Fav 7 1746 969

  share tweet
  

• (515): View more from Iowa

  i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.

  Fav 3 804 1394

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just can't deal with that sentence

  Fav 3 2026 880

  share tweet
  

• (336): View more from North Carolina

  I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear

  Fav 6 1610 861

  share tweet
  

• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable

  Fav 8 2190 973

  share tweet
  

• (921): View more from

  Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.

  Fav 2 691 440

  share tweet
  

• (647): View more from Ontario

  You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"

  Fav 1 466 526

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??

  Fav 2 177 90

  share tweet
  

• (865): View more from Tennessee

  I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  You come prepared

  Fav 0 45 9

  share tweet
  

• (779): View more from Illinois

  I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates

  Fav 0 56 5

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (308): View more from Nebraska

  Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.

  Fav 0 17 26

  share tweet
  

Randomize