His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
