So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
