boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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