how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
