I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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