Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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