I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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