Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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