my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
