i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
