Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He kissed a someone with a penis
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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